WIC (Wedding Industrial Complex) burnout

When I first started wedding planning, I dove right in. I bought magazines, registered on websites, researched blogs and trolled through the wedding goodies on Etsy. I was immersed in it and soon realized that in order to have that magazine wedding that everyone seems to be telling me I must have, I'd have to spend a phenomenal amount of money that I don't have! In fact, now that I'm slowly coming back to my senses, I regret having lost myself and put down deposits on so many things that I now feel may not have been worth it. Some things I've come to realize lately:

- It's just one day. All of this time and money is being spent to try a make one day look like a magazine shoot.
- Your wedding is not a magazine shoot.
- Nor are you a stick figured model. You are a real woman, who is loved enough by someone that he/she wants to spend the rest of his/her life with you - not because you look like you could model a wedding dress, but because you're beautiful as you are, inside and out.
- Your partner wants to marry you, with or without professionally applied makeup.
- All the money in the world will not make your guests remember if the colors of the napkins match the chair sashes.
- Most people throw away the invitations.
- Your guests may not even care if you skip favors altogether.
- You are throwing a party to celebrate the beginning of your new life together, not putting on a show. What I mean is, the people who are there are supposed to be there to love and support you, not judge you based on how "fancy" your wedding appears to be and if they will judge you on how expensive and showy your wedding is, then maybe they don't love you as much as a good show.
- The MOST important thing about a wedding is that everyone has a good time. Your guests are not going to remember what your wedding colors were, but they'll remember if your wedding was fun. They'll remember things that make them go, "Wow, that is SO them!" and "Now THAT was a great party!"
- The above comment applies to you and your partner as well.
- It is HARD not to get sucked into the Wedding Industrial Complex!
- But it IS possible to stay grounded as long as you keep reminding yourself that you're not doing this to show off to other people, but you are doing this because THIS is how you want to throw a celebratory party!

I also want to say is if you are like me and have already spent a lot of money and put down deposits with promises to spend lots more money, it's okay. It is indeed hard to stay grounded against the Wedding Industrial Complex and almost no woman I've ever met is completely immune or hasn't been sucked into it - even a little bit. So if the money's already been spent or promised, then let it go and enjoy a day of extravagance when it comes around. I don't believe in going into debt to pay for a party, so I haven't been spending money I don't have, it's just that I feel a little sick when I realize just how much I'm actually going to spend on one brief, shining moment. The truth is, that moment will be shining whether or not you have that poofy dress, the sparkly lace veil or a giant sculpture made of cake. When I realize that last bit, I also realize how frivolous and unnecessary a lot of my wedding expenses are and will be. So right now, I'm just trying to be happy with what I've done and be okay with the amount of money that's going into it. It's already done. The money is as good as gone. No point in crying over spilled milk, right?

So the other thing I've been dealing with is Wedding Industrial Complex burnout. Lately, all I've been feeling is utter disgust and defensiveness when I see, hear or read about wedding related stuff that even hints at attacking how I'm going about getting married. It's my business how I get married. I seriously don't understand this urge to butt in and judge me and my wedding decisions. This includes the people around me who look at my engagement ring with an expression of scorn and/or pity, and the people who look at me and say I need to lose weight if I want to look pretty on my wedding day. I've been beaten down enough just living as I do. I don't need proponents of the Wedding Industrial Complex adding to my lifelong issues with my body image, manipulating me through my ingrained fear of failure, and pressuring me to lose my identity for the sake of conformity.

The truth is, my fiance and I probably could have a more conformist wedding, but it wouldn't be us. The most memorable weddings, for me, have been ones that focused more on having a good time at a good party than on the dying flowers, the matching color scheme and how every detail will look in photos. Even if we were to call our wedding a "budget wedding," we did not interview and contact hundreds of vendors to find the best of the best of the best for our price range. We usually just hired the first person who was good enough for our price range. In my experience, obsessing over getting the best or the best deal will only cause more stress and frustration than not. Like the saying goes, "Don't let 'the best' be the enemy of the 'good enough." Also, my fiance and I simply do not have the time nor the patience to devote to searching and then interviewing tons of vendors. Once I get an item off my list, I move on to the next item and/or doing things like maintaining my job and preparing for married life. It is because I moved so fast through my checklist that I'm now so far ahead that I can actually take a break from wedding planning and just enjoy life for a few months!

Now, if I can only lose 20 pounds during those few months...