Monday, December 21, 2015

Things have been "crap-tastic"

It's been over a year since I gave birth and I am still suffering from depression and fatigue. It is definitely easier now, but I'm still tired a lot and finding decent, reliable, part-time help has been really, really grueling and difficult. My depression has gotten better, but it's still there. The fatigue is also better, but still there.

I talk to my husband about the prospect of a second child and honestly, I just don't think it's wise. Considering how hard this past year has been and considering how hard I am still finding it, I just don't see how I can handle all this a second time. Plus, I'll be forty when we can start trying again - not a nice-sounding prospect.

On the upside, we finally have some reliable, consistent help and was able to have a date night. I am also seeing a therapist for the depression and the baby is now a toddler. I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing as a parent and am often confused by all the conflicting advice that I'm getting from friends, family and online. It's been very difficult to figure out how to handle certain situations and behaviors with my child, but at least we seem to have a good pediatrician who has offered us a lot of solid suggestions and advice.

What I miss most these days is alone time for myself and quality time with my husband. Right now, I can't wait for the baby to get old enough for us to send her off to sleepovers! However, I know that that is not likely to happen for many years to come.