Difficult people

Let's talk about wedding envy in others. In my personal life, the only people who've shown signs of envy are people who are not yet engaged or are otherwise still single. For the ones that are not in a steady relationship, my wedding planning brings up feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. I've been in that position myself, so I know it can be hard. For the ones that are in a steady relationship, on the road to marriage themselves, it seems that they are envious of the attention they are not getting. I admit that I know some pretty self-absorbed people who are used to my being content to stay in the background. My relationship with these self-absorbed folks had been manageable until I was suddenly thrust forward in front of them as dictated by societal norms and traditions. On the surface, they can't show that they're not happy for me and my fiance, but that doesn't mean they don't find ways to inject their displeasure or find petty ways to make me feel small and deflated.

Now, I try to be a nice person. I'll let stuff go if I know someone's having a hard time, but being a faulty human being, I have a limited amount of patience and grace. Normally, with difficult people, I'll start distancing myself from them. The less exposure to a nasty person, the less stress I'll feel. Difficult people become more of an issue when you're stuck dealing with them - when you can't escape! Examples would be when family members force you to take on a bridesmaid you don't get along with or a mother that treats your wedding like it's hers, or a vendor that gets nasty as soon as you sign the contract. I'm not dealing with these particular issues myself, but I do have people involved in my wedding planning process that I can't get away from. These few people have caused me and my fiance to worry about how our wedding will turn out.

When I encounter people who don't react well to my wedding, I realize that the issue isn't with me or my wedding. The issue is with them. This may be a harsh thing to say, but I think it's true. I didn't go around announcing my engagement unless I thought that person would be hurt that I didn't tell them. I never showed anybody my ring unless asked and I don't bring up wedding plans unless I have to or am asked. So all in all, I think it's safe to say that I didn't rub my happiness in anybody's unhappy face. Despite my best efforts to be sensitive, some people still react with negativity.

So who ARE these negative people in my life? Well, the common feature among the worst of them are that they're self-absorbed, attention-seeking, materialistic or image-conscious types. I am not sorry that my fiance and I will be the center of attention on our wedding day, and they'll just be the supporting cast. However, this prospect seems to cause them to lash out at us. My fear, and this is where I give them too much power over me, is that they will somehow find a way to bring me down on my own wedding day. I am aiming to have fun. These nasty people are... difficult to gain any distance from and I just don't want to be looking at their unhappy faces and hearing their snide comments on my wedding day. I am also fearful that they're going to somehow steal the spotlight. I am usually content to stay in the background and follow someone else's lead, but that doesn't mean I don't like positive attention and praise.

Now, you might be wondering if I've spoken to these people about their snarky pettiness. In the beginning, I let it go. These days, I push back. Thus far, pushing back has only resulted in more negativity, drama and stress. Now, they're actually mad at me and my fiance and I don't know where these relationship will end up on the day we get married.

So right now, I'm trying to not care about these people anymore. If I care about someone, I care about their opinions. They have already shown that they don't care about my feelings so I should stop caring about what comes out of their mouth. This is a lot harder said than done, but since the only person I have any amount of control over is me, I'll have a higher chance of success with this route than the confrontational one. The other thing I want to do is to tell the MC and DJ that they are not to give the microphone to anybody under any circumstances! All speeches can be made at the rehearsal dinner so we can spare the wedding!