As a woman in IT...

Today, I read an article in the NY Times about gender discrimination in IT. I can tell you it is very much alive and well. The article itself was infuriating, but I won't go there as it has been well covered by Huffington Post and Jezebel.

I work in IT and was once told by a man I dated that I was a geek's dream come true. Not only was I (according to him) attractive, I played Starcraft and Warcraft II obsessively in college, LOVED RPGs, was very familiar with sites like Gamespot and IGN (before IGN became specifically for men) and loved watching anime. Terminology like "newbie" and "leveling up" was a part of my daily language and these things only struck me as weird when someone told me I was weird.

The truth is, I never considered myself an IT person. I graduated college knowing only how to use Word to write my papers and play Solitaire and Minesweeper. This, despite the fact that my father was in IT and did programming and database work. I also have a brother who majored in computer science and is now also in IT. My father once tried to teach me MS Dos and I remember stubbornly refusing to learn it and walked away. So really, I never thought of myself as having any kind of affinity with computers.

However, my first real job out of college was in IT. I went from trainer and tech support to tech writer. I learned DHTML, javascript, Perl and dabbled in SQL and CGI programming. I then took a break to do non-profit stuff and then went back into IT. When I was hired at my current company, I was told by another woman in my group that I was now the fourth woman to be hired into the department. One woman was an assistant and one left a few months later. This is the norm. The IT world really is overwhelmingly male.

I am constantly wondering how I sound to my coworkers when I talk to them, especially when I'm frustrated. Half the time I go home thinking I sounded like a b*tch or a whiny little girl, which is not how I want to sound. I hear men cursing and venting all the time and I'm sure they never second-guess themselves and wonder if how they acted or behaved was inappropriate or sounded b*tchy. The term b*tchy only applies to women. Any time a woman is not completely calm, collected and super-professional, she risks coming off as b*tchy.

Add to the mix that I'm IT, filled with proud self-professed nerds and geeks, and you have a slightly different dynamic. Anyone who knows me knows that when something matters to me, I don't stay quiet. I'll make my opinions known and I can argue for them if I have to. Some guys find this personality trait aggressive. I remember having meetings with IT guys on projects and finding that I come off as intimidating to a few of them. So intimidating that they spoke to my boss (who is a man), who in turn decided not to let me speak in meetings. He told me privately and specifically used the word, "intimidating." I was rather shocked because I had transferred from the business side of the company and how I managed my meetings and projects was the norm there and nobody found me scary until then.

As I continued to work more and more with IT professionals, I realized that although there are a wide range of personalities, many of them do lack social finesse. It may be stereotyping to say that many don't know how to talk to women, but I found that to be true. Part of the reason why they don't seem to know how to talk to women can be traced to how some of them view women in general. Many of them assume when they first meet a women that she is not tech-savvy and that view is so entrenched that it is very hard to change it. I almost always have to prove myself to them before they realize that when I say there is a problem, there is a real friggin' problem. Even, then I sometimes run into roadblocks where they'll just start ignoring me.

That's usually when I lose my temper. I'll either start CCing their boss and outline the consequences of ignoring my communications on the project, and/or I'll start involving my own boss, who is a man and can probably talk to these guys. I hate having to go to a man to talk to other men because they think I MUST be doing SOMETHING wrong, even though they can't actually say what I MUST have done wrong. I hate thinking that maybe I'm being disrespected because I'm a woman, but these are inescapable questions when working in an environment that is used to working with only other men.

I am very lucky to be in a job where my boss supports me. He's very hands-off and gives me a great deal of leeway in what I do. He's also very willing to hear me out and let me vent when I need to. Even so, I am always afraid that I'm coming off as weak or unable to handle the work or too complain-y. On the other hand, being totally robot-like isn't me either. I understand that being professional means not getting emotional or passionate. It means always being logical, collected and take nothing personally. Like I said, you'd have to be like a robot to do all that when nobody else has to treat you with respect. The men in my company can get away with acting like d*cks and a$$ holes, but a woman can't get away with being less than perfect. In all honesty, being in IT is worse than being in Finance, probably because there are more women in Finance.

It took me at least 3 years of hard work and doing a really good job before the development team stopped assuming I'm stupid and inept. It took me only 3 months to earn that same amount of respect when I was working in Finance, also a male-dominated industry. Right now, I've been at my current job for 5 years. I've literally earned my place here though I am still seriously underpaid. Now, when I send an issue to the development team, they don't ask me stupid questions or ignore me. It shouldn't have taken me years to earn a basic level of respect. I had to do a better job than the men in the same position in order to get to where I am today. Even so, advancement opportunities feel very limited. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get anywhere as a woman in IT, no matter how competent or how hard I work. I never felt like that when I was younger and more innocent, but I feel that way now.

The thing that gets my goat is that I was lauded for being really good at problem-solving and for my communication skills. Not only am I able to talk to developers, but I can also talk to end-users without p*ssing everyone off. I also happen to be good at documentation and was a quick learner. Despite the fact that my duties kept slowly increasing, for 3 years, my pay didn't increase at all - not even to match inflation. Do I feel undervalued here? Absolutely!

I understand the need for more women in IT. The more women there are in the field, the sooner and more likely the attitudes will change. However, for me personally, I'm sure how much longer I want to be in this field. Is this a fight I really want to fight when I can go elsewhere? For now, I'm staying where I am. Maybe things will actually change sooner than later.