Over 30 and single

http://jezebel.com/5880655/why-is-it-okay-to-ask-me-why-im-single

I came across the above article and am reminded of my own struggles when I was still single and over thirty. As friends, family friends and other people got married around me, I was constantly asked when it was going to be my turn. It was as if I was weird or had less value if I wasn't married. It became my default answer when asked when I was getting married to say, "Never. I am going to get a dog." At first, everyone treated it as a joke, but as they kept asking and my answer never changed, they eventually stopped asking and gave up.

Just as in the article, people who make assumptions about why I was still single had no idea the struggle it was to be dating. It wasn't as if I didn't want to meet someone and fall in love and get married. Just like most singles I know and have known, I got lonely. The dating world can be pretty brutal and the sad thing is, it is only as brutal as the people you meet. There are also rules and signals that I had to learn the hard way, such as don't insist on paying for a first date because then the guy thinks you never want to see him again rather than think you're being generous. After dating for years with no success, I came to the conclusion that men did not want generous, kind and intelligent, as so many of them claim. They really wanted a b*tch to make them work for her. The b*tchy part gets them hooked, but it's the playing stupid part that keeps them. I know this is a generalization and obviously isn't true of many men, especially the one I married, but most of the men I met online secretly wanted a dumb b*tch. Just as men complain that women really prefer a$$ holes over nice men, this is my counterargument as per my personal experience.

Anyways, dating gripes aside, it simply sucks being single because of how you're treated by everyone around you. I can say that after I got engaged and subsequently married, I was definitely treated differently. In some ways, I felt like my mother, while I was single and she had given up on my ever finding someone to share my life with, well I think she pitied me. I am not upset at the people who were insensitive or didn't understand. I was hurt by the comments and the assumptions and the judgments.

In the end, I don't regret my time being single. I don't regret the experience of having been single and over thirty. I came out with some great dating horror stories and can more closely empathize with people who are still searching for a mate and having no luck. This isn't something like a job, where if you work hard and remain ambitious, you'll get towards your goal. I am also appreciative of the fact that I had time to reflect on why I wanted to be in a relationship at all and if it really was better if I just got a dog. In fact, if I hadn't met my husband when I did, I may have given up on dating altogether and just concentrated on having fun by myself.

Despite what any of the dating sites would have you believe about calculating compatibility, in the end, it's a cr*pshoot out there.