Let's face it, we live in a consumerist culture, meaning we like to buy or "consume" things. As a group, we feel the need to consume things in order to obtain a fleeting moment of what we think is happiness. These days everything you see is geared to get you to buy something. So how do they get millions of people to buy billions of dollars of stuff they generally don't need? I mean, do I really need to have another dress hanging in my closet? Do I really need to get that awesome-smelling soap shaped like the most adorable flower for some exorbitant amount of money? The answer is simply no, I don't need those things, but I want those things. How did it get that way? Marketing!
I remember when I took a marketing class in college, they mention the different ways a company can sell their product. If a product is useful and definitely people need it to carry out certain useful functions, the company has to find a way to get the message out that their product can help and is better than all the competitors' products. However, what if a product serves no useful purpose? What if there is no need for it whatsoever? What if no one ever even thought about using such a thing before? Meaning, what if there is no market for it? Well, a good marketing company makes a market and creates a need for it. So how do you get someone to buy something they probably think is useless or a waste of money, if left to their own devices? You play upon their insecurities.
If you think about it, we are bombarded by ads everywhere we go, everywhere we look. From magazines, to the radio, to the TV, to the internet, everyone is marketing something. They all have the same message: You're a loser and are totally inadequate, and if you buy our stuff it will fill the hole you've been trying to fill your whole life. They fill you with completely unrealistic images that we're supposed to strive to achieve and since the "perfect" life being the "perfect" person doesn't exist, we are ALWAYS left feeling insecure and inadequate. But it's not just any image of perfection they want you to strive for, but theirs. It has to be theirs because they want you to buy their stuff. Those beautiful models on magazine covers, the men in luxury cars driving on an empty road, the great fun people seem to have drinking certain brands of alcohol - these images are not just selling the product, but selling an idea and/or image. The implication is that you are just not good enough or you are not happy unless you buy our stuff. The implication is, you're a loser because the car you currently own makes you a loser and that's why you're not as happy as that man in the commercial.
For example, one of the commercials that ALWAYS ticks me off are those Kay Jeweler commercials because their slogan is "Every kiss begins with Kay." The slogan says to the man that no woman could ever want or love him unless he gives her expensive jewelry, which implies that he just ain't good enough to get a woman to love him without bribing her and so implies that women are materialistic gold-diggers. At the same time, the commercial is telling women that your man don't love you unless he gives you expensive jewelry and that's why you should kiss him. This leads men to buy the most expensive, ugly jewelry ever for their girls and have no idea why the girl doesn't wear it! To quote a friend of mine after her boyfriend proudly presented her with a gift, "Just because it's Tiffany's doesn't mean it's pretty."
Another commercial that ticks me off are those hair loss ones. They're flat out telling the guys that they're ugly, unwanted and totally unattractive unless they have hair. It's pretty sick. I mean, the poor dude is probably already embarrassed about the hair loss and now there's a commercial saying, "Yes, you are indeed a totally undesirable, disgusting loser because you're balding so go buy our stuff cause it will make you into everything you've always wanted to be!" What they don't tell you is that it might not work and all you're left with is this burning feeling of inadequacy, making you even more desperate to "solve" the issue.
Of course, most of the time, we tune out these commercials as silly. I only get riled up when I deconstruct this stuff and realize just how much of this kind of messaging is out there. It's unavoidable and if you are constantly told that you're inadequate, you can't help but be affected no matter how hard you try to ignore it.
The truth is, even the most naturally beautiful person in the whole world isn't beautiful enough because our idea of beauty simply doesn't exist. The idea of natural beauty no longer exists because what's natural isn't beautiful anymore. The same goes for the brilliant lifestyle marketing sells. Don't we all want to be like those impossibly beautiful, popular people in the drinking commercials at a fancy bar, laughing and having the best time? It's an impossible life with impossible people, which means that no matter how much we buy and how much we spend, we will never be satisfied. We are so bombarded by images of youthful beauty and youthful enthusiasm that we forget that youthful enthusiasm often is reckless and impulsive and gets us into trouble. We cannot accept that it's okay for youthful beauty to fade, so we buy thousands of dollars of stuff to make us age more slowly, yet none of that stuff buys us less misery and more wisdom. Whatever happiness we feel is fleeting until the next upkeep appointment or the next sign of aging sprouts up. I feel like nobody knows how to age gracefully anymore. After all, reckless and impulsive enthusiasm gets people to buy more stuff than pragmatic, equanimous wisdom.
I, myself, find myself getting caught up in my insecurities and see my mentality shifting as I'm going about my wedding planning process. Things that didn't bother me as much before now takes on epic proportions. The idea that we have to look absolutely stunning on our wedding day is putting an impossible amount of pressure on me because all my physical and imagined physical flaws are "ruining" the "perfect" future moment. The truth is, what will be, will be. I cannot control the weather and I cannot keep my eyes from protruding due to my medical condition. So most likely, I'll look like a frog in many of my photos, but what can I do? Nothing. So I shouldn't worry, right? I know I shouldn't, but I do anyways. That's how powerful the Wedding Industrial Complex is. I had immersed myself in thinking I could resist its powerful pull to spend loads of money on the "Look at ME!" mentality, but now I realize that resistance is harder than I imagined. If I could do things all over again, I might do them a little differently by worrying less about having a picture perfect wedding and more about taking it easy!
The thing is I started out taking it easy and became more stressed as I looked at more magazines and wedding sites. See what I mean about having insecurity thrust upon you? I mean how you would have been fine and happy had someone not told you that a "good" wedding has certain "must have" things. So you go out and buy this "must have" thing after recovering from the initial sticker shock, only to be left with a vague feeling of dissatisfaction. So you think, oh no! Did I not buy enough "must have" things? Is my wedding going to be "cheesy?" and will people judge me to be a bad, tasteless person forever because I didn't get matching napkins for this one day!?!!? Sounds kinda funny, doesn't it? Well it's not funny to the person freaking out at the moment. Maybe the trick is to constantly step back and try to remember the big picture whenever I start worrying. After all, at the end of the day, the most important thing is that you're married!
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