I lost enthusiasm for clothing shopping ever since I gained weight. It only reminded me of how much fatter I am now. Still, I thought there had to be a wedding dress for every body type and even bigger brides have looked beautiful in wedding gowns.
So I was hopeful, but my first experience, shopping at the Demetrios salon in Macy's, was not fun. I got a couple of rashes that day and none of the dresses made me feel pretty. In fact, they made me feel just the opposite. I have a LOT of insecurities when it comes to my looks and that experience just made me feel like I wouldn't look good in anything because my body shape was so malformed. It also didn't help that people in my life were commenting on my weight gain and was mum on how pretty I might look in a gown. The friend I went with had opinions and all, and it's not her fault I have insecurities, but I just didn't feel like she really thought I would look pretty on my day. It's like everyone was just being tactfully quiet but inside they were thinking I was so ugly and fat.
The truth is, I know I'm not fat and it's silly to think that way, but I can't help how I feel. Sometimes, I just need a little positivity and encouragement. Sometimes, I just need someone to tell me I am pretty and not to worry and that there is every faith that I will look beautiful on my own wedding day.
Anyways, the next few times, I went dress shopping on my own. My trip to RK Bridal was a much better experience. Even though my insecurities were still there, I didn't feel like the strangers there were judging me. In fact, every time I walked out in a dress, they would smile at me and some even said that I would make a beautiful bride. I loved it when the consultant said stuff like, "I love how you look in that dress, but it just isn't you." It made me feel good to know that if a dress wasn't working, it's not because I'm chubby, but because the dress "isn't me." And it was there that I began to feel happy about wedding dress shopping. It was there that I found dresses I felt pretty in because the people around me were so encouraging. There was a sense of knowing camaraderie with the other brides there. It's a good feeling to smile at each other trying on wedding dresses, cause it's a smile that says, "I know what you're going through and wow, you look like a real bride in that!" So at RK Bridal, I found a couple of dresses I really liked and sent pictures of the dresses on fashion models to my bridesmaids.
I had planned to go back to RK Bridal and buy a dress because there really aren't any other bridal salons that sell dresses at those prices, but I decided to check out a boutique anyways. So my next and last stop was at Wedding Atelier. I tried on a few more dresses there, but most of them only felt okay on me, which didn't justify the higher price tags when I felt so much happier in a cheaper dress from RK. However, there was one dress that I tried on that I really liked! It was way over my budget for a dress, so I went home thinking I'll just get something similar for cheaper. I looked and looked everywhere online for the dress and could not find it anywhere! How can I even begin looking for a knock-off if I can't even find the original? That night, I dreamed of the dress and as my rule is, if it won't haunt you, don't get it. Well, the dress was haunting me! So I had to get it. The following Monday, I went in and bought the sample dress (read the dress saga posts for the full story on that). I sent pictures of me in the dress to my bridesmaids and they all loved it!
So now I have the dress and am worrying myself silly about the alterations. First of all, I don't want to spend a fortune on the alterations, but I may have to because it's a complicated dress with lace, boning and several layers. Also, I'm concerned with how much the dress will need to be taken in. It's already too big on me and I'm currently trying to lose weight. That means that the dress will need to be sized down several sizes when I am finally fitted next year.
Aside from the dress, I also need a chinese dress (qi pao or cheongsam) and an evening gown, both of which I am planning to sew myself. The wedding gown needs an underskirt to get that nice A-Line shape. I can sew that myself, using an idea on a 1-hoop skirt design. Also, since I'm... well, not well-endowed in the chest, I will need to get some well-fitted padding. Lol! The garter will most likely be made from the excess fabric of my wedding dress and I'd like to not have to purchase new shoes if I can get away with wearing something I already own. I will also need to get hose and the rest of the materials needed for my veil. I'm planning on making a fingertip veil with a cut edge and small scattering of tiny crystal beads along the border. Whew! Breathe... breathe...
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